Has it really been that long since my last post? Shit.
Well I think I've got a handle on my mood again, which is good.
I think I've reached a 90º corner recently, but a good one.
There was going to be more to this post, but whatever.
Talk to you soon.
Thursday 25 April 2013
Monday 15 April 2013
Monday Mumble #12
So, I think this will be more ramble than mumble, but fuck it.
I can tell that I have slipped into the realm between realms today.
Be that my own doing, or the doing of other people is difficult to tell.
I'm back to existing, not living.
I'm stuck on repeat.
It would be easy to blame the people left in my life, but I'm as much to blame.
The difference is, I can't help feeling this way.
I have really productive periods and then my scumbag brain says, "Oh, hey, 'productivity'? Can't have too much of this shit. Better throw you a 'depression' curveball to balance your day. Don't want you thinking you're actually getting better!"
So yes, I've retreated away from the idiot-grenades, the non-thinker-machine-guns and the induction-of-suicide-troops. I'm laid on the floor of the trench, in a puddle of stagnant rainwater and my own urine, covered in the mud of my depression, crying from the shell shock, praying for mercy but simultaneously hoping that the end will come quick if it has to come at all. Soon, the assault will stop and I will regain my footing, stand up, and take up arms to defend myself.
For now I'm content to lie here and wait for the end.
I can tell that I have slipped into the realm between realms today.
Be that my own doing, or the doing of other people is difficult to tell.
I'm back to existing, not living.
I'm stuck on repeat.
It would be easy to blame the people left in my life, but I'm as much to blame.
The difference is, I can't help feeling this way.
I have really productive periods and then my scumbag brain says, "Oh, hey, 'productivity'? Can't have too much of this shit. Better throw you a 'depression' curveball to balance your day. Don't want you thinking you're actually getting better!"
So yes, I've retreated away from the idiot-grenades, the non-thinker-machine-guns and the induction-of-suicide-troops. I'm laid on the floor of the trench, in a puddle of stagnant rainwater and my own urine, covered in the mud of my depression, crying from the shell shock, praying for mercy but simultaneously hoping that the end will come quick if it has to come at all. Soon, the assault will stop and I will regain my footing, stand up, and take up arms to defend myself.
For now I'm content to lie here and wait for the end.
Sunday 14 April 2013
Sunday Service #11
So, this will be a short blog, as I feel that I should update my readers, but won't spend ages labouring the points in it.
The family cat of 13 years passed away on Saturday, much to everyone's shock. Loopy as she was, being abandoned as a kitten, she survived the stress of the loss of a family member a lot of years ago and moving house twice. Mum has already decided she doesn't want to get another cat (I'm taking bets on how long this will last) and I did consider getting myself a puppy when something happened to her, but honestly, I don't think I could bring myself to get another pet anyway.
This weekend has also found a lot of my closest friends upset or annoyed, and I've become annoyed for them as well.
Lets hope tomorrow's meeting re: the recording studio goes well.
N.
The family cat of 13 years passed away on Saturday, much to everyone's shock. Loopy as she was, being abandoned as a kitten, she survived the stress of the loss of a family member a lot of years ago and moving house twice. Mum has already decided she doesn't want to get another cat (I'm taking bets on how long this will last) and I did consider getting myself a puppy when something happened to her, but honestly, I don't think I could bring myself to get another pet anyway.
This weekend has also found a lot of my closest friends upset or annoyed, and I've become annoyed for them as well.
Lets hope tomorrow's meeting re: the recording studio goes well.
N.
Tuesday 9 April 2013
Tuesday Tattle #10 (Tuesday Triumph!)
Haha, fooled you!
Well, I still have yet to receive any letter re: my psychological evaluation / mental health, but other than that...
(I also don't know a positive word beginning with T...
*goes to Google...
Triumphant? Sod it, Triumph!)
Tuesday Triumph!*
Easter weekend saw the visit of my grandmother from the North (as I may have mentioned in my last blog ... *checks checks while listening to the police sirens that are close by and out of phase... * No, I didn't) and the weekend was nicely wrapped up by a party for my step-grandmother who is doing a damned good impression of a woman who is going to live forever...
The three remaining days saw me go a little insane trying to figure out exactly what to pack, an affliction I was thankfully relieved of by my best friend (you know who you are :D)
Friday arrived with excitement and glee (the emotion, not the TV Show) only to find my train cancelled! A quick stop in the first class lounge (Oh yeah baby!) and a seven minute delay (oh the horror!) and I was back on track - to find I was now riding the same train as my ex girlfriend, her new boyfriend, her sister and her sister's fiancé. The ex and her toyboy had no idea where to look when I mentioned I was travelling "... First Class to Cambridge to play some gigs... Getting paid £80 per gig..." Somethings are just so sweet you want to eat them, no? It's also very satisfying to be given a free bacon sandwich, a cup of tea and free WiFi.
Friday night's gig (while rehearsal time was short) went amazingly well, and we did celebrate accordingly (would you not agree?)
Saturday was what I have come to expect in Cambridge - Filled with geekdom! Forbidden Planet, Games Workshop and Inner Sanctum! Another night of celebratory ale and several very fun rounds of Zombie (Drinking) Dice!
Sunday was more practicing, and the discovery of a new love - Stilton on burgers!
Sunday night's gig also went amazingly well! I managed to line up some potential new work, and, apparently, I played another awesome set! I must remember to work with my friends more often; sharing the stage is so much more fun that way.
Monday was a little sad as I had to leave the lovely city behind, but I am in no doubt I shall see her again soon!
I recently said to a friend that 2013 appears to be "The Year of The Geek" a parody of the Chinese New Year Zodiac, but it would appear to be incredibly true - Already I have begun a program of discontinuation of this obnoxious medication, the advent of self employment, a huge creative boost and the future prospects of a full degree! I am also incredibly privileged to have met many great people so far this year, and while it has also seen some older acquaintances slip off the edges of the 'disc, those that have gone have been of little use in the New Order.
So, my dear readers, as I appear to have some regulars, as well as hopefully gathering new ones, I shall bid you au revoir until next time!
Well, I still have yet to receive any letter re: my psychological evaluation / mental health, but other than that...
(I also don't know a positive word beginning with T...
*goes to Google...
Triumphant? Sod it, Triumph!)
Tuesday Triumph!*
Easter weekend saw the visit of my grandmother from the North (as I may have mentioned in my last blog ... *
The three remaining days saw me go a little insane trying to figure out exactly what to pack, an affliction I was thankfully relieved of by my best friend (you know who you are :D)
Friday arrived with excitement and glee (the emotion, not the TV Show) only to find my train cancelled! A quick stop in the first class lounge (Oh yeah baby!) and a seven minute delay (oh the horror!) and I was back on track - to find I was now riding the same train as my ex girlfriend, her new boyfriend, her sister and her sister's fiancé. The ex and her toyboy had no idea where to look when I mentioned I was travelling "... First Class to Cambridge to play some gigs... Getting paid £80 per gig..." Somethings are just so sweet you want to eat them, no? It's also very satisfying to be given a free bacon sandwich, a cup of tea and free WiFi.
Friday night's gig (while rehearsal time was short) went amazingly well, and we did celebrate accordingly (would you not agree?)
Saturday was what I have come to expect in Cambridge - Filled with geekdom! Forbidden Planet, Games Workshop and Inner Sanctum! Another night of celebratory ale and several very fun rounds of Zombie (Drinking) Dice!
Sunday was more practicing, and the discovery of a new love - Stilton on burgers!
Sunday night's gig also went amazingly well! I managed to line up some potential new work, and, apparently, I played another awesome set! I must remember to work with my friends more often; sharing the stage is so much more fun that way.
Monday was a little sad as I had to leave the lovely city behind, but I am in no doubt I shall see her again soon!
I recently said to a friend that 2013 appears to be "The Year of The Geek" a parody of the Chinese New Year Zodiac, but it would appear to be incredibly true - Already I have begun a program of discontinuation of this obnoxious medication, the advent of self employment, a huge creative boost and the future prospects of a full degree! I am also incredibly privileged to have met many great people so far this year, and while it has also seen some older acquaintances slip off the edges of the 'disc, those that have gone have been of little use in the New Order.
So, my dear readers, as I appear to have some regulars, as well as hopefully gathering new ones, I shall bid you au revoir until next time!
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